women grow hair on their boobs and their butts and their legs and their arms and their stomachs and their face and really anywhere their genetics decides to have hair and it is perfectly normal what isnt normal is men who have never touched a razor trying to shame women for not looking like a hairless baby
shout this loud.
(even if you shave, you don’t get to shame women for being hairy)
Today’s mental health reminder: a relapse, a sudden series of attacks, a string of awful days, (or whatever your step back may be) does not decrease your value. Take your time, do some self care, reflect on the progress that you have made. You are strong; one step back is nothing when you look at the journey you have already made.
Hi!! I love your blog sooo much. I have a question though. I am always trying to tell people that size doesn't matter but I'm always faced with the idea that you should take care of your body and be healthy. How would you justify body confidence when faced with this idea?
-People should be able to feel confident and beautiful whether or not they’re healthy.
-When people say otherwise they are reinforcing ableist ideas. People who are disabled or have chronic illness or even mental illnesses will pretty much never fit into the mainstream concept of “healthy.”
-Just ‘cause I know some people out there are like “omg what she’s wrong” I’m gonna repeat that people should be able to feel confident and beautiful whether or not they’re healthy. That’s just a human right in my opinion and a basic tenant of body positivity.
-People often aren’t actually concerend about health when they make statements like that. My ex-partner used to point out to people who would say that I shouldn’t be confident/happy/feel beautiful because I’m fat, that he didn’t eat healthy food, constantly binged on candy, never exercised, and smoked (all statements not true of me) but was regularly assumed to be healthy because he’s thin. But you won’t find a lot of people saying thin folks shouldn’t love the way they look because they eat junk food/have high blood pressure/regularly get colds.
-So maybe (not necessarily aloud even but to yourself) interpret and question what people actually have an issue with. Do they really care about everyone’s health? Or do they care that people are fat?
-If they really really do care about people’s health, they ought to care about people’s mental health as well. Depression & suicide are hugely serious issues tied to people’s sense of self. Anorexia is one of the biggest killers of teenage girls & young women (it impacts folks of other genders as well). Self-hate is a disease in my opinion. It hurts people, mentally, spiritually, and physically (your body functions worse when your emotional state is bad, and you’re even less likely to care for your body, if you hate it).
-Self-love is one of the best things anyone can do for themselves. And if someone really cares about others’ well-being they should want them to have that.
Hi ! First of all, I like your blog and the positive vibes :). I have a question about body positive media in general. If size is not supposed to matter (weight, boobs, everything) and if we're supposed to be confident with themselves despite all our shapes and sizes, why do women still think for example that penis size matters ? why is boys height still a criteria for woman at the time a woman can't be judge for her weight ? My point is that body positivity is too much "woman-oriented".
I have answered this question a lot of times so I’m only gonna answer this one question about it, and any follow-ups are gonna get deleted (sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, I just spend a lot of time talking about this & I’m a busy girl).
-It’s important to note that men are not the only ones who have penises. Penis positivity can be a woman’s body positive issue because some women have penises. Some folks who aren’t women or men have penises.
-There actually is a push in body positive communities to embrace penises regardless of size
-(Though I do think we should note, just because it’s true, that women who have sex with people with penises are rarely discussing the aesthetics of penises when they talk about what size they prefer, they’re talking about the sexual pleasure they have derived from having those penises inside them. We can break that down further about the implications it has on the people whose bodies they’re discussing, but women aren’t talking about asethetics when they talk about penis size).
-Height and weight aren’t really comparable things so if we’re talking about height, let’s talk about height. (We’re dealing in kind of heteronormative terms here but) plenty of men also have height requirements for the women they date, just as some women have height requirements for the men they date. I’ve had men not be interested in me because I am extremely short and I’m ok with that. I think personal preference when it comes to attraction is an ok thing. I think what we have to examine is a) how is our culture (and the prejudices in our culture) influencing our preferences and b) are we exerting those preferences in ways that are harmful to others.
-But if you wanna start body positivity for very short dudes or very tall dudes, start it.
-I personally have a hard time when people tell me that body positivity is “too woman-oriented” for reasons I’ve explained time and time again, but I will break them down once more real fast.
-Because we live in a patriarchal society where women’s worth is heavily tied to their physical appearance in a way men’s simply isn’t, women need extra tools (aka body positivity) to cope. That does not mean I think men do not need or should not have body positivity. It’s just why I think it’s ok that a lot of body positivity is geared towards women.
-Another reason so much of body positivity is geared towards women is because we are creating it for ourselves. Body positivity grew strongly out of both feminism and womanism. And it is primarily women running the blogs and writing the articles and books and making the videos and all the other stuff that makes up what people think of as the body positive movement. We’re making stuff for ourselves and for one another. Men totally have the power to do the same thing (in fact, some already have). In fact, men have even more power and privilege in society to make space for male body positivity, and I encourage them to do so!
-But while women are also badly hurting concerning body image, I think it’s unfair to come to women creating spaces for women and say “focus on men!” Especially when it’s not like men are more likely to listen to us than they are to men anyway (half the time when I speak on social issues, men are telling me to shut up, even if I’m saying stuff that could help them too!). Body positivity should and can exist for men. I hope they make more of it.
-And I’m happy to reblog it & signal boost it when I see it. It’s just that I and most of the women in the body pos movement have a limited amount of time and energy to put forth. Most of us are putting it into creating stuff for our sisters.
Saggy boobs anon here! I do think saggy boobs can be beautiful. But it just feel I shouldn't be having them - not now when I'm a teen, I just feel such a freak. I've seen lots of real boobs of all ages; I'm from Finland and here it's common to go to sauna with just about everyone (well I've only went with other gals). And my boobs look really weird in comparison to others of my age. AND my (older) gf has the perkiest rack which has only fueled my insecurities. But I'll try to learn to like them!
People get them at all different ages. You might not be seeing them on other girls your age, but I promise they exist! I think my boobs starting sagging like five years and two cup sizes ago, so it definitely happens.
I know it’s a lot easier to embrace stuff on other people than it is yourself. And it’s normal to feel like you’re the only one your age who has a certain trait and to size yourself up against others. But just like I was telling the other anon, we always think the grass is greener. I bet you a million dollars someone at the sauna is looking at your boobs and feeling jealous.
Also, try replacing words like “weird in comparison” to “different in comparison” or “unique in comparison.” Changing the words you use when you think about this can really help.
But I promise you you’re the only one who thinks they look weird, and that’s just because we’re all our own harshest critic. Give yourself time and patience ‘cause it is hard to learn to like stuff.
I hope that helps. I know this is super tough. Embracing an insecurity is a really long, winding journey.
First of all, your blog is amazing: Second: I'm a 15 year old girl. I have really small boobs, one of them smaller than the other. No matter what clothing I wear, I never have any cleavage. The females in my family are quite curvy, and tell me that I'm "so lucky to have my body type." Im not upset at them, I just don't feel comfortable voicing my insecurities to anyone, and I think about it too much. I have this feeling in my heart that no one will ever be attracted to me bc of this.
A few things:
-Small boobs are great. Big boobs are great. Boobs of all sizes are great. It’s hard to believe, but true.
-Every single person who has boobs has one boob that’s smaller than the other. Sometimes it’s harder to tell on someone, but it’s true. And 99% of people will not notice it on you. It’s a completely normal, universal part of boobs, so normal people won’t pay attention to it. (Check out that link I just posted to the boob gallery, you’ll notice a lot of those breasts have one that is larger than the other)
-We have a “the grass is always greener” culture around beauty. We’re taught especially as women that we should always be striving to be better and prettier. So it’s easy for us to idolize bodies that aren’t like ours. And that’s where your family’s comments are coming from. Your insecurities are valid. And they’re not so different from the insecurities behind your family’s comments. It might help to think of it like that.
-It can be hard to voice these insecurities but you can. That’s your right as a human. And it might help you to cope. If your family doesn’t seem the best playing field, try a friend, or even a school counselor or nurse. It might seem awkward, but that’s the kind of thing they’re there for.
-Plenty of people are going to be attracted to you. I have some friends who people are constantly falling for, and some of them have larger breasts, and some of them are practically flat chested. Boob size actually has very little to do with whether or not someone’s attracted to you. And just like some people prefer blondes, and some people prefer brunettes, some people prefer smaller boobs, and some people prefer bigger boobs.
-But more importantly, you are gorgeous and awesome regardless of what anyone else thinks about you. Regardless of and because of your boobs (because they’re part of what make you you).
-When you’re feeling frustrated about not being able to create cleavage, celebrate the stuff you can do. There are all those tiny little bralettes and shirts you can’t wear bras with that I and other big breasted people will never be able to wear. Buy one or just try one on in the store. Look how pretty you look, and celebrate that that’s something you can uniquely rock.
-I know it’s really really hard but try to think less about this. There is so so much more to you than your breasts. And you have so much going on in your life! Society tries to crush girls by making us focus on our looks and our insecurities and what we perceive as our imperfections, because if we’re busy obsessing over that, we can’t get busy taking over the world. When you find these thoughts bubbling up, try a trick I use in meditation, acknowledge the thoughts & then dismiss them. Say, “hi there thoughts, I see you’re here, but I’m not dwelling on you,” and send them on their way. It’s hard at first but it can work. And if it’s not working, try a positive distraction: your favorite movie, going out with a friend, reading a book, taking a bubble bath, cuddling with your fave stuffed animal, playing a video game, etc. Do something that makes you happy and clears your mind or keeps your head busy with other stuff.
Hi, I turn 18 next month and I've had an eating disorder since I was 14, but I'm in recovery now. I've gained quite a substantial amount of weight since being in recovery and taking anti-depressants. Even though I was extremely depressed when I was really struggling with my eating disorder, at least I was thin. Now I'm really self conscious about my size and it's really starting to bother me. I feel so much pressure to be thin again since I'm turning 18 soon. How can I get rid of this feeling?
The first thing I’m gonna say is that getting rid of this feeling will unfortunately take some time. It’s coming from thinking your ED has had established for years which means it’s going to take time to destroy that thinking.
The second thing is that if you’re in recovery you hopefully have a therapist and/or a support team who is there to help you. Please share this feeling with them. They are gonna be immensely helpful to you in battling it because they can be there for you day after day.
It makes sense that you value thinness so much. You’ve got a lot of voices socially and internally telling you thinness means more than anything. But try to remind yourself that it doesn’t. Try to break down that sentence “I was extremely depressed, at least I was thin.” Even though this might feel like a lie: thinness is not worth your happiness. Thinness is not worth your vitality. You deserve to be happy.
Try reminding yourself of the stuff you’re gaining in recovery that isn’t weight. Maybe it’s other physical stuff, like your hair or nails getting healthier. Maybe it’s emotions, like joy and hope. Maybe it’s time, time not spent obsessing. Maybe it’s an old hobby you can do again.
And that last thing can be really helpful: find old and new things you love doing that aren’t connected to weight or your looks. Things that can be positive distractions.
It’s important too to start to meditate on things you like about yourself that aren’t physical. Right now, your ED is trying to tell you that you’re only worthy if you’re thin. That is a lie. You are worthy right now as you are. You are worthy regardless of how you look. Consider hanging that messages around your living space. “You are worthy,” “you are beautiful,” “you deserve to be happy,” “you are perfect just the way you are.” Seeing and repeating those messages can really help.
If certain things are triggering this, get rid of them. If you still have a scale, throw it out. If you can’t handle mirrors right now, put them in the basement or the attic, or cover them up. It can be helpful to embrace your reflection, but if you’re in a place where it’s really just upsetting you, it’s ok to give yourself a break.
I can also tell you as someone who was not thin when I turned 18, that being 18 and not thin can be great. It was for me! I kicked ass at school, met my current best friends, got in my first serious relationship. Good things happen without thin. Your ED wants to tell you otherwise, but a lot of awesome things are gonna happen to you, a lot of awesome people are gonna come into your life or keep being there, and you’re gonna be just fine.
Finally, I want to encourage you again to talk to the people in your life about this. Talk to your support system. Mental health professionals and close loved ones are gonna be better than me at coming up with coping mechanisms that will help you specifically. I am sending you all the love and strength I can, but this stuff is hard, and you need all the help you can get. Don’t be afraid to ask for it.
Hi, I'm a skinny 18-old with small but saggy boobs (they're a bit tuberous). I love that they're small but their sagginess ruins them. I mean, boobs generally sag if they're big, their owner is old or has had kids or lost a great amount of weight rapidly etc but I don't fill any of these criteria. I look otherwise very youthful (childlike, even - I like it) but my boobs are like some middle-aged mother's (and I don't even want to have kids ever) Any tips on accepting them? Ps. you're so cute :3
I’m gonna tell you a secret- all boobs sag. You don’t have to be middle-aged. You don’t have to have big tits. You don’t have to have had any changes to your body. Boobs just sag. Pretty much because gravity exists. And it’s a totally natural, totally normal occurrence that happens to all of us with boobs to some degree, and it doesn’t ruin your boobs or make them any less beautiful or awesome.
Think about it this way? You’re 18. You’ve probably had boobs for a while. I got boobs when I was 9. So you could’ve had them for 9 years. You’ve almost definitely had them for at least 4. That’s a lot of years. That time is what changed your boobs. Just like time changes all parts of our bodies.
A couple things that might be helpful to think about:
-If you’re comparing your breasts to celebrities, models, or porn stars. Stop. These breasts most of the time have been photo shopped, modified by surgery, taped into position, or otherwise altered/supported to look the way they do.
-If you wanna look at the vast variety of breasts in the average person, try here. (Apologies for cissexist language on the page that suggests only women have breasts)
-Start trying to tell yourself that all breasts are beautiful. Yes, that middle-aged mom who’s had eight kids. Yes, that seventy year old. Yes, the saggiest of saggy boobs.
-Embrace the sag. Try to see it as a part of what makes your breasts great. When I’m having trouble liking my breasts (which also sag) I take a lot of topless pictures and I keep them in a private file for myself. Sometimes seeing photos of yourself feeling powerful and beautiful and confident can help you embrace your bod.
-You’re 18. Your body is going to go through a whoooole lot of changes in the coming years. I’m only 22 and I can already see changes. It’s great that you like the youthfulness of your look. But sometimes as a society we really cling to youth as the penultimate in beauty. It’s not true though. You’re going to be just as gorgeous when your face begins to wrinkle and your hair goes gray. I try to see the changes in my body like the rings inside a tree, they’re marking how much I’ve grown. Try seeing your physical changes as marks of progress and it might be easier to celebrate them.
-This might sound silly, but try to compliment your breasts on a regular basis. Sometimes when I’m struggling to love on my tummy, I tell it how cute it is. And it really does help. We believe the things we say aloud. We internalize the messages we repeat.
I hope you can come to see your sag as just a part of what makes you beautiful, but I know embracing any part of yourself takes time.
(Oh and thanks for saying I’m cute! Now you know, I’m cute and have sagging breasts- the true is same for you :) )
Unfortunately, there’s a lot of shame and secrecy within our communities, perpetuating the invisibility. I’ve had doctors tell me over and over again that I’d never meet anyone else like me. (Thankfully, that was not the case.) So many intersex people like me have been instructed by our doctors, parents, and friends not to tell anyone about our conditions, which makes us feel shameful and unworthy.
I’ve been poked, prodded, and gawked at by so many doctors, it’s enough to make anyone feel like a science experiment. They say how excited they are to meet someone like you, they’ll “never meet another person like this, ever.” But when they say that to you as a kid, all you hear is “you’re a freak.”
so are we gonna discuss how fucked up it is that women have to wear makeup to be taken seriously at work and job interviews but if a woman has a genuine interest in and enjoyment of cosmetics she is written off as shallow, vain, and stupid, and consequently not taken seriously
You can’t hate yourself into a person you’ll love.
Being whole in your heart, mind, soul, and skin begins with embracing yourself for the beautiful, messy, strong, flawed, imperfect, fragile — lovely human being that you are.
A mirror doesn’t show you how worthy you are. A lover or lack of one doesn’t define how meaningful you are. A grade, a job, a bank account… none of these things decide who you are.
You need to look into your soul and discover what makes you — YOU. You need to peel off all the pretenses and lies covering your heart and figure out what makes you leap inside, what makes you come alive, and what helps you breathe.
Hate will not help you; it will destroy you.
Love, acceptance, gentleness, forgiveness, patience… they will help in the process of discovering what it means to be one of the living.
Be gentle with yourself. Accept your flaws not as limitations but as opportunities to grow. Be kind to yourself; this is your first time living so of course you don’t know everything. Be patient with the questions, the confusion, and the setbacks of life. Forgive yourself, forgive others, not because you have to but because nothing good grows from bitterness and hatred.
Love is the answer. I truly believe with all my heart and soul and I hope and pray that you would stop hating yourself, stop neglecting your needs, stop treating yourself like you are meaningless, stop letting people make you small, stop beating yourself up, stop being mean — start deciding day after day that love is your answer.
“If you’re going to measure your self worth by a number you might as well do it by the number of marshmallows you can fit in your mouth at any one time or the number of m&ms you can throw and catch in a row rather than the number on a tape measure or a scale. They both have about the same level of accuracy but marshmallows and m&ms sounds like a better idea to me.”—don’t measure your self worth off of anything, you are worth more than any number there is (via metamorphosisofmeg)
So I haven’t self-injured in eight, going on nine months!
It’s hard to keep going but this is the longest period of recovery I’ve had since I was 15. And I’m proud of that.
And so my heart is going out to anyone who is currently struggling with self-injury, whether you are still harming yourself or in recovery. You deserve to not hurt. You deserve positive, non-harmful outlets for your emotions. You deserve recovery.
Battling the urge to self-harm is super hard but we can all do this!