Anonymous asked: I know ED recovery is about more than body restoration, and I know that even body restoration is unhelpful when it's not combined with a psychological recovery. I've got a friend whose mum wants to body slam her into inpatient, but since my friend doesn't want to recover, it's not going to do any good. What do I do?
There’s really not much you can do if your friend is a minor. I will also say, though I know you clearly have good intentions, inpatient might be what your friend needs. I don’t know their physical health, but body restoration might be necessary in order for their body to keep functioning. But more importantly, that kind of care typically includes psychological treatment. And honestly, while someone does have to want to recover in order for it to be successful, that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be helped before they want to recovery. Some times that can be pretty necessary to getting to a place where someone is ready to recover. For example, when I was suicidal I started going into therapy before I was in a place where I wanted to live. If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t be here b/c I never would’ve changed my mind about my life being important. Your friend might need professionals telling them why recovery is so important right now in order to believe it herself.
Anonymous asked: Are asexual people oppressed for being asexual?
I’m not really the person to answer this as I don’t fall on the ace spectrum/am less educated than I’d like to be, and thus really ought not to act as a voice for the ace community.
However, asexual individuals do face unique issues and clear prejudice. I mean, having your sexuality be classified as a mental illness and treated like a character flaw, or simply nonexistant? Not being represented in almost any sex ed programs? Having next to no mirrors of yourself in dominant culture? What does that sound like?
Anyway, you can learn more about asexual issues at The Asexual Agenda, which is a blog run by AVEN members. If you’re not on the ace spectrum yourself, I do ask that you be respectful in how you interact with that blog as it’s written for folks who ID as ace.
(As always I ask that questions unrelated to body positivity be directed to my personal blog)
Anonymous asked: I wasn't sure if I sent this or not, but I am a cisgirl and my very best friend struggles with their "feminine" body, hating it especially because it doesn't appear as boyish as they wish it did. Being cis, my body struggles don't include this insecurity, so I'm not sure how I can help them. I know they must come to the conclusion of body peace on their own, but is there something I can do to help them? Is there something I shouldn't do that would help them? Thank you.
Well, as I’m cis as well I can’t off the perspective as someone who deals with dysphoria. But my partner does, so I’m speaking from my experience with being there for him.
-Affirm your friend on a regular basis, not just when they express that they’re feeling insecure.
-Validate their dysphoric feelings. They don’t go away overnight, and some times it can be helpful to just hear, “It’s ok that you don’t feel ok right now.”
-Listen, some times just being their quiet, but actively listening, can be really helpful.
-Reminding them that you see them as the gender they ID as in the body they currently have can some times be helpful. But acknowledge you know that might not change how they feel as well.
-Ask your friend what kind of support they appreciate Everyone is different and everyone responds differently to different kinds of love.
-As far as things not to do, just try not to be impatient or to expect too much. As I said, dysphoria doesn’t go away right away and it can be very hard to cope with, so just try your best to be patient, understanding, and empathic.
Anonymous asked: I just want some advice because I find you inspirational. I just got cheated on after being with this guy for 4 years, he cheated on me with a much skinnier women. My confidence is pretty knocked, anyway to boost it?
-Remember that cheating always says more about the cheater than the person being cheated on.
-Remember (I know I said this recently, but it should always be repeated) that one woman’s beauty doesn’t take away from yours.
-You deserve a nice night out with your pals. Dress up (whatever that means to you), have fun, flirt if you feel like it.
-Wake up every day and tell yourself you’re gorgeous. Each day you’ll likely find yourself believing it more and more.
-Give yourself permission to put the break-up on the shelf for a while. Dwell on it too much and you’ll get lost in it (and the insecurity that’s come along with it). Look for an activity that makes you feel positive and capable, whether it’s a hobby or a project at work. Throw yourself into it.
I promise I’ll get to the rest of your asks. But it’s my first day back home for the summer & I’m gonna spend it with my family (and pizza and Iron Man 3) so it’s gonna be a bit. Hang in there. All of y’all of strong, beautiful, and capable.